Hello, friends.
Like a dad with experience, whose son and daughter are growing up, the issue of upbringing becomes all the more significant, the older the children.
They have their own habits, desires, principles and outlook on life.
We bring up children, trying to avoid those mistakes, which were inherent (in our opinion) to our parents. At least we reason like this: dad / mom they beat me, i suffered, worried — so I won't beat my children.
The daughter is still small, everything is quite simple with her. No year old. But with the sturgeon there are already problems. Him 4 of the year. And you understand, what in 4 a year old, the child is already driving along the paved rails in a certain and very specific direction.
I once read, that the character of the child is formed in the first 3-4 years of life and wondered how this is possible?
Maybe!
For 4 years, children form quite persistent and formalized patterns of behavior, habits. Mom begs to eat — refused! Then demanded sweetness — received! So much for you pattern: «I do not like — ignore, want-demand!»
Such neural connections are formed constantly and represent very stable structures., which will have an impact on the future life of the child. and then an adult.
In this sense, I am very in solidarity with representatives of psychological schools, who, when working with adults, pay great attention to childhood and childhood memories.
I got carried away with psychology because. that my life did not belong to me. I felt like a robot, which executes certain programs due to the established control system.
If you find some destructive element in yourself, uncontrollable — look for a moment or sequence of events in the past. Find them — half done. all that remains is to rethink that experience and see its fallacy, subjectivity.
To not go far, example from personal life.
I live one day. Everything, what I have — Here and now. I prioritize the moment. There is no future for me.
Question two:
1. Where did it come from and
2. What are the positive or negative consequences of this outlook on life??
It is unlikely that I will be able to go to the original source. Something is buried in the DNA, genes, past experiences of my ancestors. But the moment is more obvious. I went to it quite recently and quite by accident.
Remembered, how mother often answered sharply and unequivocally when asked about plans for tomorrow or talking about the future: «we should live today, not that to plan something for tomorrow. Leave me alone!»
Then this point was superimposed on my fascination with the East, imposed by the Bruce Lee legend films, ninja, Shaolin. You know, philosophy of Taoism, Chan Buddhism and other masturbation. There too «live here and now», enjoy the moment, etc..
Hence such negative qualities of my personality follow., how:
1. Lack of long-term planning. For a year, by five, on 100 years ahead. Nothing wrong with planning on 100 no years ahead, By the way. Here you can safely include ideas regarding the place of residence of my children and grandchildren., with environmental, political, etc.. points of view.
2. Desire to take something, what can I take right now. Without thinking about the consequences, about the long-term effect of the decisions made. This is written in the post. «Don't pounce on jujube»
3. In trading, it is — striving to use super-aggressive strategies using martingale and high risks (read the post How to increase the depot in 5-10 once).
4. Laziness. Elementary laziness can also grow from here. Why strive for something, work hard, learn, if tomorrow may never come?
5. A kind of indifference in life.
6. Exceeding the significance of the current moment. Everything passes and over time should be forgotten. But «momentary man» paints everything that happens in too bright colors, what is deposited in the head for a long time. And these are not always happy moments..
7. I can think of many more negative points., but why?
And so it is clear, that such a philosophy is not conducive to a productive life. And then we wonder, that the person is depressed, doesn't want to do anything, sitting with folded arms: read .
And now I have to spend time searching and destroying cockroaches in my head., redo your habits and change your views with that, so that my life goes on the right track and sparkles with new colors.
Going back to the beginning of talking about children.
Stop! Here I want to make such an important footnote to the above.: we really shouldn't live like this, as if we have a thousand years ahead. Life is fleeting and can be cut short at any time.. According to some ridiculous law, people can slip into the above disadvantages., adhering to completely opposite outlooks on life — for example, planning your life and career for many years ahead and missing the moment of chance and transience of time. It's important to stick to «middle» the way.
To plan! — but don't forget about, what all, what do we have — this «Right away». Planning will help «to the person of the moment» gain wholeness and achieve more, if God measured him many years ahead. And understanding that, that life can end at any moment will help «human planner» correctly prioritize and pay attention to important matters and plans right now.
«For some reason, many women think, that giving birth to a child and becoming a mother are the same. You might as well say, which is the same thing - having a piano and being a pianist». Stephen Harris
Yes, now about children.
Having formed the wrong habit in a child, we can doom him to ordeals., suffering, pain in later life simply because, that were guided by the wrong principles and followed popular trends and ideas.
There is so much conflicting information now.! Some say — children cannot be hit! Others insist, that only harsh discipline and harsh punishments can bring up a real person, still others believe, that the parenting process, schools, society kills the pure heart of the child and turns it into a soulless cog in the mechanism, the fourth carry some other idea of the virus and find a response in the hearts of listeners. Some kind of madhouse! Remember the nanny tutorial. Aunt comes and teaches parents to pay more attention to children, play with them, something to design and glue, hangs the daily routine on the wall. And in a week or two, peace and quiet in the family!
You just need to understand, what is this show. And as in any show, there can be fits and hides unnecessary moments., who will just cut.
And again I am forced to make a reservation. Beat the child — the very last thing! First you need to use that experience, offered by child psychologists and educators. I really hope, that my post will not be considered as advocating violence against children. But when I see, that my child formed a bad habit due to our carelessness and a number of mistakes and became uncontrollable — I am ready to take on this sin.
They don't become adults then, when they have a baby, and then, when the last one dies, who remembers you as a child. Linor Goralik and Sergey Kuznetsov
but, even spanking a child with a belt, without saying it harshly, I'll tell him a little later anyway, that I love him, that it happened for specific reasons, which are in …
Children need love and affection, need an example from parents. We are due to inexperience, youth, carelessness often make mistakes in education. This cannot be avoided. But let's try to prevent that, to make our kids grow up rude, selfish consumers, accustomed, to be indulged (Grandmothers and grandfathers — do not spoil grandchildren, do not play the role of good fairies and wizards, saving babies from the clutches of treacherous parents!)
Good luck and health to everyone, at least until the next blog update «»
